„You're not in charge of the universe:
you're in charge of yourself.“
- Arnold Bennett -
Life and other people can be overwhelming. You may feel overwhelmed by all the To-Do's, deadlines and obligations that constantly surround you. But does life always have to be like this and where is the mistake to solve such problems? The cruel truth is that the "fault" lies with you.
Don't put the blame on others
Your boss is an asshole, the driver in front of you is driving as slow as a snail, your partner is annoying again. Everyone should know these and many more examples from their daily life. You didn't have fun at the party because people were all stupid or you didn't go jogging because the idiots of meteorologists announced sunshine, but now it's raining. Therefore you can't go outside! You really can't rely on anyone these days, can you?!
She did this, he said that, and they didn't do this or that...and ONLY because of that, I couldn't do my job/task properly.
Tasks such as:
- coming on time,
- doing my job on time,
- being friendly to other people,
- eating healthy food,
- working out
- or just getting your ass up to pursue your goals.
Sorry, but those are excuses! It's easy to blame others and maybe in one case or another it wasn't entirely unjustified. But if you always try to blame others, there is one thing you haven't yet understood:
You are no longer a child and responsible for your own life.
Even if you'd like to hand over the responsibility, so that your partner can take care of many matters in your life, this can be very convenient, but you won't achieve happiness with such a behavior in the long run. Neither in your life, nor in your relationships. If you always need a mummy or daddy to take care of you, then you have lost the control over your own life.
You must stop blaming others immediately and always remember that you are responsible for not having achieved something or if a situation isn't satisfying for you.
Here are a few examples why the fault lies with you:
If your partner always treats you disrespectfully, then this is clearly a bad behavior by him/her, but it's your fault that you tolerate such behavior and do
not prevent it. Break up, when it isn't bearable anymore.
If your boss at work is an absolute tyrant and doesn't appreciate your work, then ask yourself why you hope to get recognition from such a person in the first
place. He is a bad person with his own problems. Change the job or tell him you won't let him talk to you like that anymore.
You are angry because the waiter at dinner forgot your salad, but you still found it on the bill. Who benefits, if you don't open your mouth and point it
Your kid just won't listen to you and won't clean up his room. Don't blame him, but ask yourself how you can get him to do it.
You are the adult!
Of course, don't assume that all people mean you any harm. Many people have a certain behavior about which they usually aren't even aware of. It is your duty to address repeated misbehavior and disrespect and/or after too frequent repetition to end these relationships. This applies to partnerships, friends, colleagues and the old lady from the supermarket who always scans your products so unfriendly at the checkout.
Don't accept every bullshit, but don't be disrespectful to others in return. You should always be friendly and communicative towards others. Perhaps a friendly conversation can solve many problems. Arguing won't bring any advantage to either party. Just stop trying to find the fault with others! If you don't like something, it is your duty to change it. Don't give others control over your life, but decide for yourself.
So if it is your fault, it doesn't mean that you should hate yourself for the negative outcome of a situation. Quite the opposite. Learn to love yourself. Easier said than done. Start to stop talking negatively to yourself. And realize what you want.
If your environment has always decided why you did something, you should ask yourself if YOU really wanted to do it in the first place. It shows great self-love to be a little selfish. Not in the negative sense that you give a damn about all other people, no! You just have to remember that it's your life and everybody wants to make the best out of it. But unfortunately this doesn't always work out for everyone.
You have to show clear boundaries that you cannot be used for everything, if it's not what you want. You are neither more nor less worthy than another human being. Do not profile yourself with others, because everyone has his own burden to bear, so don't judge too quickly. On the other hand, it can be hurtful when others judge you.
But that's exactly what you learned today, it's your fault if you put up with such disrespect. You love yourself too much and you know that this other person has no idea what he or she is talking about and is probably so busy with their own self. Bad-mouthing others is a clear sign of low self-esteem, because by bad-mouthing others you are trying to increase your own value. A miserable attempt!
Self-esteem comes from within. So start to love yourself, allow yourself nice things, self care, relaxation, wellness and please, please listen to your deep inner self and prioritize your own wishes and dreams. You don't have to force your own will with the strength of a hammer upon others, that would be disrespectful towards others, but you are allowed to say NO!
No, because you would rather...
not eat steak today, but Indian food.
do not go on holiday to Spain, but to Italy.
not doing the paperwork again, because it's not your job.
- not taking out the trash, since you already cleaned the whole apartment.
If you want something different from the other person, and he or she doesn't want to be persuaded, then you just don't come together in this matter. If you almost never agree, why do you keep up a relationship with such a person? It's a sign of self-respect and self-love. Your needs have as much room as the needs of all other people. Do something good for yourself! Love yourself!
Become the master of your life
You have learned not to blame others and to listen more to your own inner voice. So don't just take control of your life by giving yourself more space about your wishes and needs, but also reduce negative influences or things that only drain your energy.
Figure out why you want something. Does it really make sense to you or do you feel forced to do it? If something is always difficult, it may simply not be right for you. Then try something else. Don't fill your diary with things you SHOULD do, but with things you WANT to do!
Of course, grocery shopping, going to the dentist or picking up the shirts and blouses from the laundry isn't much fun. These are just everyday obligations. But spending the rest of the time on dates you don't feel like doing, sessions with the personal trainer in the gym, even though it's just torture, cleaning up your neighbour's basement because he asked so nicely, isn't a solution.
Remember: You are neither a servant, lawyer, slave nor clown for anyone.
Of course you have obligations, everyone has them, but beyond that, it is perfectly ok to say NO! and even fill your schedule with more pleasant things. This is your responsibility and yours alone. You have the permission and the right to do things that you like, regardless of what others say.
So if in the future you ban things and people from your life that only cost you strength and effort, then you will quickly have more energy that you can put into realizing your own goals and dreams. You will stop feeling overwhelmed.
Daily tasks and other people can be as annoying, exhausting or exhausting as they are. It is your responsibility to separate yourself from negative influences or at least to improve the situation. Life is too short and it isn't worth it to sacrifice your own energy for others.
Don't blame the people around you, for not living the way you want to live. Mistakes happen, but ask yourself, "Why does it upset me so?" If the bus driver goes slow again, or your dream partner doesn't want to know about you, it's not their fault. You should have gotten out of the house earlier and taken the delay into account; and maybe you just didn't make sure he/she noticed you. Maybe he/she is just an arrogant person who couldn't appreciate someone like you at all.
So love yourself and do your own thing! You have as much right to do that as anyone else!
I hope the article was helpful for you. If so, please share it, so others like you can benefit from it. I wish you the best.
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